A Bartender's Guide to Measuring Up in your Relationships

Trust Me, I’m The Bartender



    Being a bartender/server is completely based on the good faith, honor system. Most often, bartenders and servers don’t collect money as soon as you order. Unless it’s a super busy night,–and even then lots of places are willing to run a tab,– customers are usually left to sit and enjoy their food and drink, adding on as they see fit. We serve you with the trust that you’ll settle up at the end of your stay.
     There are the few that cheat the system–dine and dash–but for the most part, people are trustworthy. As a server, when we do encounter those rare deceitful individuals, it’s a lesson learned for us to be sharper next time, pay more attention. But we continue on, serving others according to that original honor system.
     It’s the same with trust in a relationship. Just because there are those few untrustworthy people, the ones that misuse your efforts and abuse your kindness, does not mean you should stop trusting everyone nor stop giving your all to the next one. 
     Dating is based on the same honor principle as serving: I’m giving you my time, my faith, my heart, my all, trusting that you will take care of it while it serves you. If, however, you find you’re often being taken advantage of, it’s time to reevaluate your awareness. When this happens in the business, it’s usually suggested that that server go through more training. There’s nothing wrong with walking away for a while for self-reflection and to improve your skills. That way, you’ll come back clear-headed and with renewed faith and confidence.
     So what’s your barometer? Are you letting a few bad apples spoil the whole bunch or are you learning your lessons and letting them improve your outlook?


Comments on: "Trust Me, I’m The Bartender" (4)

  1. Even in the strip club we value that honor system. And yes, generally people abide by it. However, dating in the strip club environment the honor system gets tested a lot. What kind of system should we use for that environment?

    • The “Book Boom Room” system: privacy. I’ve found it best to keep the relationship between the two people involved only. Don’t talk about it with coworkers; don’t even tell them your dating. And when you’re at work, you’re coworkers. Check jealousy, insecurity, and neediness at the door.
      A lot of times, people in relationships need validation, need their S.O. to “claim” them to others, so pretending not to be involved makes one or both parties feel insecure when they see their S.O. mingling with guest or other coworkers. Communication outside of the work place is key.
      Think of the privacy as a game; how well you two can fool everybody else.
      For example: I was dating a bouncer. We agreed to not tell our coworkers about us. To keep up the rouse, we were even allowed to flirt with other ppl at work. But we also snuck glaces and winks at each other, had secret codes, etc. It was sort of exciting. Ppl didn’t know about us until we were over.
      Hope this helps! Thanks for reading!

  2. I love hearing you say that the honor system works! We tend to hear only about the cheaters . . .

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