A Bartender's Guide to Measuring Up in your Relationships

Archive for January, 2015

You’re Not THAT Important


Bartender’s, myself included, often have customers approach them and ask, surprised, “You don’t remember me?!” Stunned by my subsequent “no” response–no matter how politely I say it–they’re usually quite disappointed. These customers then proceed to tell me the details of our one-night-stand, trying hard to insinuate themselves in a meaningful way in my life.
*Now I feel awkward.*
I usually nod along slowly, eyes squinted, implying vague remembrance. To be honest, most likely, I’m remembering the incident more than the actually person/people involved. Other times, I have to outright say, “I’m sorry I don’t remember you.” Then I feel bad. I probably really enjoyed their company for that night, but my feelings didn’t go past last call.
See, there’s no easy way to say, “You’re just not that important to me.”
We each live our own lives, so our perceptions, needs, take-aways and memories of every situation are different, including relationships. I know it’s hard to grasp when someone who once meant everything to you–friend, family, and particularly an ex–now seems less-than-enthused by you. But you have to adjust accordingly. Your role in their life has shifted. And, even if they’re still starring lead in your thoughts and memories, you have to understand if they don’t feel the same.
Your barometer is the here-and-now not how you once were. Which means, after you’ve given it the good ol’ college try, to no avail, let it go. Don’t try harder to make yourself significant anymore because what you’ll wind up doing is making the other person feel bad and uncomfortable. And yourself as well.
Instead, cherish your memories and move on. Don’t make an already awkward situation more so by refusing to see it for what it is now. There’s nothing harder than having to tell someone, “you’re not really that important to me;” except maybe hearing it.